Do It For the Ones You Lost
by The Wandering Time Lady
Summary: The Doctor never got over their deaths, he would always remember them all. But there is one death in particular that the Doctor will never forgive the universe for.


**A/N:** This fic was inspired by the song "Life Goes On" by Tupac. It helps if you listen to it while you read this, it might make you cry though. I wrote this at 3am while I was in a mood okay?

He was alone now. Amy was dead. Rory was dead. Everyone was dead.

And the saddest part was that there was nothing he could do about it. It was a fixed point now, and there was no way he could go back and save them without ripping a whole in the universe.

The Doctor angrily slammed his fist on the console of the TARDIS. He should have left then. As soon as they arrived in the graveyard he should have taken them as far away from that place as possible.

And yet, he was stupid and didn't think about any possible dangers.

He sighed, his lack of foresight will always be his greatest downfall, and there was nothing he could do about it except being extremely careful in the future.

But he never was careful, he was always reckless and stupid all the time, always meddling and causing trouble.

Always running toward something that doesn't even exist, because what is the point of staying still if everything you know and love that is there will eventually be dead.

They were all gone. Everyone he had ever loved was gone.

What was the point? He had forgotten the reason he had run away in the first place, he liked to think he did it to see the stars, to see life before it faded away, but all he had ever seen was death and destruction.

A sudden noise from the scanner had distracted him. It sounded like an old film beginning to reel.

He stalked over to the malfunctioning piece of the console and was shocked to see s video was playing on the scanner.

A small boy in a yellow rompers appeared on the tape, smiling as a girl in a purple uniform sat down beside him, in the background a smaller girl, (also clothed in purple) was giggling at the pair in front of the camera.

_"Hey Doctor! You're sleeping now, and I know you told us to not mess around with the console while you were sleeping cause we might throw the TARDIS into a black hole or something, let me just say that this was ALL Tegan's idea..."_

The boy was nudged in the chest by the girl.

_"Oi! It was not! you're the one who burst into mine and Nyssa's room in the middle of the night! so don't even"_

_"...Anyways, as I was saying, this is all Tegan's fault. but we may have accidentally plotted a course to a place on earth called a 'supermarket' while you were out cause Tegan was whining about not having any decent food in the TARDIS"_

_"I WAS NOT"_

_"Guys! I think you woke him up!"_ came a shout in the background

_"Rabbits! how are we going to explain all the damn carrots in here!"_

The camera shook, and he could hear his past incarnations shout of surprise as the camera cut out.

The whole video was uncomfortable for him to watch.

He would never forget him, the boy with the badge of mathematical excellence.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small piece of broken metal, the gold was dull and the blue was almost faded, it was all that remained of his youngest companion.

The boy he thought of as a son.

Adric.

It would take a trained eye to see it, but as the Doctor walked out of the console room, one could almost see a tear spilling down the broken Time Lords cheek.

What was the point of traveling when everything you love leaves you.

When everything you love and care about can be ripped away from you so suddenly you may never recover from it.

And at the moment, all the Doctor did was turn around, walk right back into the console room, and set a course for London, England. 1893.

He was going to retire. This was it for him, he had finally lost too much, Amy and Rory were the last straw. He wasn't going to lose anymore people, no more traveling for him.

He wasn't going to cause more death and destruction.

* * *

He was still on board the ship! Why didn't he listen to the captain when she had told him that there was no stopping the cybermen from crashing the ship into the earth.

Why didn't he give up and get in the damn escape pod!

Why...

All the Doctor could do was watch in shocked silence as the large freighter crashed into the earth, his boy still on board.

He could vaguely hear Nyssa sobbing into Tegan's shoulder as he stood there stunned silence.

Be the strong one now Doctor, what is it that I always told Tegan? Brave Heart?

Yes, now was the time to be brave.

He walked over to the dead cyberman that lay on the TARDIS floor, beside it lay Adric's badge.

He picked it up and put it into his pocket before leaving the girls to grieve.

Save the tears for later. Be brave for them, be brave for Adric.

Be brave for the boy who was like a son to him.

* * *

He almost screamed when he saw Clara being dragged by the Ice Governess, this wasn't supposed to happen again.

He had sworn that there was to be no more blood on his hands.

The Doctor ran forward, trying to reach Clara on time before she fell to her death, but he was too late, and she had tumbled to her death below.

Seeing the panicked look in her eyes as she fell did make him scream though, and he fell to the ground in complete resignation, sobbing and shaking as another person died in his care.

But there could be just a glimmer of hope, if he could at least try to save her, then it wouldn't be in vain.

Now was the time to be brave.

Be brave Doctor, do it for him.

Save her for him.

Save her for Adric.


End file.
